Pie & Crash

The StickDudes decided they were bored with Stick TV yesterday (it’s mostly black & white) and they watched a bit of Sky instead … I got a bit fed up because of the wall-to-wall coverage Hack/Smack/SmokesomefuckingCrack Hack Gate is getting, but I like my dudes, so I chilled out with them and had a peek – and then in a moment of cast iron ‘you can’t buy this sort of  shit’ fuckwittery a founding member of UKuncut, one Jonathan May-Bowles assaulted Rupert Murdoch, and the StickMen got confused.

StickDudes: Yo Skip – did that ‘Young-educated-Middle Class-with-a-double barrel- surname-how-hard-can-his-life-really-be-and-he-lives-in-fucking-Windsor-to-boot-too’ Class Warrior just attack the old dude?

Skip: Yes he did guys

StickDudes: Why?

Skip: He’s Left Wing guys, let me explain…

I then told the dudes about the Sith Lord Murdoch and his evil Death Star paper, and how it wanted to burn the children of Harry Potter with non eco friendly laser beams  just for the lulz or something, and of how it had also been caught hacking into voicemails and that was actually quite naughty, and that now the evil Emperor Murdoch Plague Master had to explain himself.

I then said that at this point the Left wet its collective pants like an excited puppy does when it gets some attention. They dribbled and squealed and they knew that the force was with them and that the eviiiiiil RightWing would forever be cast into the pit of despair.

But then, well … One of them decided he’d be their hero, and on Live Tellybox managed to portray Mr Murdoch as a victim by assaulting him (before getting his arse kicked by a Laydee, again on Live TV!!) – no mean feat that – and something Murdoch would I suspect have paid tip-top dollar for.

The StickDudes raises their collectives 2HB eyebrows and asked ‘What teh fuck’ So I then explained about Charlie Gilmour, and how this poor, wretched downtrodden adoptive son of a Multi-millionaire, desecrated a war memorial … on camera, in a protest. The StickDudes were now very confused as to why posh kids felt the need to make such complete bellends of themselves.

I saved the best for last though as I cranked up the Irony Klaxon. ‘Dudes’ I said, ‘This bit is ace – UKuncut are now saying they were unaware of Jonathan May-Bowles intentions, and that although he is a founding member of their group, he did something bad without their knowledge … Which is exactly what Mr Murdoch was saying yesterday … Irony for table two with a side order of ‘you fucking idiots!’

At this point the StickDudes burst out laughing so I showed them Jonnie Marbles Comedy You Tube Clip – and they stopped, quite quickly actually, and so did I – it really is quite poor and if you’ve clicked on that link I’m sorry – truly … It’s shit 😦


So the StickDudes were watching the news and confusion reigned supreme (which made a change from it being StickDude Elvis – he thinks he’s Napoleon and gets a bit bossy at times) and they asked me a question, it went like this …

StickDudes: Yo Skip you licker of things big and small, what does Dogmatic Hypocrisy mean?

Skip: What do you mean guys … ?

StickDudes: These folk on the tellybox wobbling on about Integrity and Newspapers and shit … you keep saying those words?

Skip: Ah let me explain boys!

I quickly realised the chaps had been watching the news and also a bit of  twitter, and all over them both folk were screaming ‘Burn The Cameron child, for he is the Devil spawn who suckled at the teat of the Murdoch beast monster – burn him with fire, and flay the flesh from the Hucknall Wench!’

I told the guys the people screaming this the loudest were by and large the Left Wing – I then explained they are the ones who think all people are equal and everyone deserves a really happy time with lots of jelly and ice-cream, and that they go about creating this Socialist Utopia by bombing the shit out of the brown skinned ‘Workers’ in very poor countries and then sending in our ‘Workers’ to die horrible IED deaths and stuff that has very little to do with wobbly cold stuff.

I explained they have a Dogmatic belief – much like the Muslamic dudes and the Carfolics (and the Right Wing) and that you can’t reason with that sort of entrenched belief, and besides … their leaders were in bed with the Murdoch beast monster before Lady GaGa had her email whacked or something, and that’s just old fashioned hypocrisy wrapped up in a bandwagon.

They asked if Cameron should resign and I said yes, he’s pretty rubbish actually – but it has nothing to do with Voicemail voodoo and everything to do with lies, incompetence and a penchant for giving away our cash. I then said Milliband should do one too, because as well as looking and sounding daft, he’s just jumped on a bandwagon.

The StickDudes liked this idea and suggested I become King of the World – which made me smile and upset StickDude Elvis; so I drew him a boat, the StickDudes some beer and then turned off the TV … Because you know what, it’s Cunt Soup out there right now and this holier than thou shit just got beyond tedious…